VOLUME 7 ISSUE 2 FALL 2021

6 S p i r i t ua l i t y S t u d i e s 7 - 2 Fa l l 2 0 2 1 the process. With ease, my mind was resolving them on its own, with me just watching. As the thoughts again vanished one after another, I felt my consciousness rapidly transform - ing. My whole identity was shifting. Who, I thought I was, became obsolete. Now I saw it as a dried-up shield of mud, separat - ing from me, falling away. The sweeping motion altered the substance of mud. It turned into a dense, almost solid smoke, dissolving into nothingness. What used to be an integral part of me, detached, fell apart, then disappeared. The realization came with a sudden, tremendous release and lightness. That what I was NOT was gone! There was no longer any need to put any labels on myself – I existed in full capacity with my - self conscious of the changes taking place. That experience taught me that my attention is in fact ca- pable of following one thought at a time, observing its track and its final resolution. The thought, once completely clear in meaning, function, and logic, just disappears. I could do it with any thought and the result would be the same: full clarity and exponential expansion of mental capacity. I also realized that every vanishing thought results in a gain of up - lifting light and clarity of the mind. I now had access to all my thoughts as they freely appeared. The scope of my mental vision became boundless. I did not need to be anybody or to think of myself as somebody. Lib- erated, I was engaging in watching my own passage into something I could not yet give a name to. I had no more problems – they were all gone. I realized that what was gone was the Ego, while my consciousness was now simply pres- ent and observing. I felt so horrible just minutes before, and my life was so un - bearable. Guilt and regrets were hunting me, I was lost, could not find the way out, ready to end my life. And then the mira - cle happened. I saw clearly that the miracle was not reserved for me alone, and what I experienced had a universal potential. I said to myself cheerfully: “ If this happened to me, it could happen to everybody! ” Feeling so much more joy and lightness, I could perceive an infinity of concepts readily accessible all the time, and I knew that there was no question that needed to remain unanswered. My mind opened with full awareness and could investigate any chosen issue correctly, down to its final resolution. At that moment there was nothing left to solve and no need to experiment with it anymore. 2.4 A Gift of Eternal Love My attention shifted and focused on observing the process as it continued. There was no rainbow, but a whitish radiance that soon became sprinkled with golden sparks. It felt like the light and the tiny gold speckles were flowing through me. I became weightless as a beautiful golden light was descending on me like a gift and I became ecstatic – feeling like being lifted up and levitating above the bottom of the tub. I also began to feel support and care given to me, which was so surprising, as I never asked for anything like it or ever thought it was even possible. I had a distinct sense that there was an entity nearby, I felt its closeness and it was wonderful. The presence was beau- tifully attractive, safe and its energy was giving. I felt it ap - proaching and I leaned toward it without control, but control was not needed. Slowly and gently but without any hesita- tion, the presence took hold of me. It felt like I was falling in love without any intention of turning back. Several seconds later, in a very distinct moment, I felt a physical touch right in my heart. I did not imagine it, I actually experienced it. I could never have even dreamed what happened next, when the presence bestowed its love on me. I knew that I had al - ways, somewhere deep inside, hoped and blindly searched for that love, but I had never been able to even imagine it. The presence reached all the way into my heart with true love, and an overwhelming, unmistakable sense of fulfillment took me over. It was more real than any love, I had ever felt before. I was loved truly, and I loved truly, leaving nothing behind. It was all love, in every way, not only a sweet, beauti - ful feeling but also a passionate fire. The Presence knew me intimately, my every thought, every emotion, and completely loved me. I felt it strongly, without any doubts. I was very present, and I knew where I was and what was going on. It felt like the target was hit and that feeling would never go away. Love had found me, and I had found it. I was home for - ever. Nothing was given up, everything was gained. I realized that the state of ecstasy was permanent and al - ways accessible, and although at the time it was given to me intimately and exclusively, that love is there for every being all the time. I could see that just like me, all beings are loved eternally, ecstatically, beautifully, and even madly. Love is always there for everyone to receive, just as we are, in any state and any circumstance, at any time. The space and colors surrounding me were flowing, trans - lucent greens and pinks of infinite depths. I was now free to love, right to love, and full of love for the whole world. I real - ized that I was here to give love endlessly, just as it had been

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