S p i r i t ua l i t y S t u d i e s 7 - 2 Fa l l 2 0 2 1 5 Monique Rebelle 2.2 A Kundalinī Awakening Right in front of me, on the background of the white wall of the tub, a rope of lambent rainbow light was moving slowly. It was somewhere between one and two inches in diameter, its speed was constant. I stared at it as it kept on twisting and turning quite beautifully. It seemed to originate from my crotch, looped around my legs, sometimes reaching above the edge of the tub, then spreading around my body in wid- er loops. I continued examining it in a detached, somber manner, but the longer I observed it the more frightened I became. The terrifying part was, that I could very clearly tell that what I was looking at, was not of the world I knew– it came from somewhere I had no knowledge of. It was com - pletely beyond my experience and comprehension. I could not trace any connection between my state of being and the beautiful, serpentine ray of light glowing and dancing peacefully. My reality was senseless, hollow, doomed, and yet I found myself surrounded by a dense flow of rainbow light, clearly visible and gliding gently. I kept on watching in shock as the light slowly swirled around me and in instinctive reac- tion I jumped up in horror before I knew I was doing it. I was rushing out of the tub as fast as I could, but when the door was half-open and I was taking a step out, I noticed, in dis - belief, that the rainbow was still around me! Just as I initially thought, it was coming out of me. I saw it circulating through me and I realized I could not separate myself from it – it was a part of me! Seeing that made me think of two options: I could either freak out and screaming as loudly as possible, release the terror I felt by jumping out into the empty hall, or I could conquer my fear. A moment later I decided to stay in place saying to myself, “ no matter what happens, I am going to watch this. ” I closed the sliding glass door and sat down in the tub again. This time I crossed my legs and faced the wall with the window. 2.3 Uncovering the Present Moment I was calmed down and waited quietly. Seconds went by and I began to doubt if anything else was going to happen, when suddenly my vision began to fill with pictures, images in motion, comparable to short video clips. I saw a small child, then heard that child’s thoughts in my head. As the imagery continued, I began to recognize the situations the child en - countered. With a great surprise, I realized that the child was me. I was looking at myself (from the past) standing below myself as a present observer, from a distance of about six feet. Childhood, youth, and adult life – the episodes from my life appeared one after the other. Each scene had to do with a specific thought, an important decision about some aspect of my life. Some of the images I remembered well; they had been in my awareness as I was growing up. Others appeared to me as if some unknown source of information supplied my memory, but once I saw them, I could also recall them as true scenarios from my past. Within just a few minutes, I was able to review all the events of my life, recall my exact thoughts along with their devel- opment, and see the chain of events and decisions as some- thing that brought me to where I was in the present moment. It is difficult to explain how I was able to follow the thoughts that spanned the course of my life, but my mind had no prob- lem with it. During the entire process, I remained completely aware of what was going on. It was really about those initial thoughts, that developed into feelings, opinions, stances, and conclusions that created who I was. I watched them one by one and followed their development until they were carried into the present. At the very moment, when the thought I followed reached the present, it would become resolved and it would just vanish! The thoughts in that process were comparable to bubbles of oxygen in water, moving up to reach the surface then subsequently vanish. I saw my life in detail, comprehended every second and all became clear. I realized that my life was resolved! There were no more questions or doubts – no thoughts lingering in my mind. All of them finalized and dis - persed. Now I could still observe new thoughts coming up. There were just a few, all connected with my observation of