4 6 S p i r i t ua l i t y S t u d i e s 3 - 1 S p r i n g 2 0 1 7 5 Communication in Administration The three principles of communication can be applied in administration as follows. Be gentle in disagreements. Make the unpleasant pleasant first, and only then communicate. Round off the sharp corners, circle the word-squares, change tones to tunes. Sharpen love, blunt the sharpness’s. Evoke a YES response. Let others FEEL that they are leading and you are merely suggesting; that is the way you naturally and easefully receive the honor of being a leader. Lead without leading; command without commanding. Wield authority without authority, which nobody detects that authority was wielded. In 42 years of the existence of our Meditation Centre no one was fired. People were only relocated after examining the best way they would progress spiritually and would serve our spiritual family better. The same principles are applied in the Rishikesh SRSG Ashram. It is revealing to check how many paragraphs in our communications are beginning with the pronoun “I”. Reduce the incidence of “I”. Try to avoid ordering and commanding by a tone like, “do it this way”. It is preferable to use, “let us do it this way”, “what if we did it this way, what would be the difficulties from your point of view?” It is also beneficial to avoid expressions like, “this is all wrong”. Instead prefer “for such and such reason (give background story if it is not confidential) it would be better if we did it this way instead”. Avoid generating the moods like, “why didn’t you do it on time?”. Prefer, “I am wondering what difficulties caused you not be able to finish this on time? You see, not getting it done could cause such and such harm and discomfort.” 6 Notes on “Honest Communication” In the entire history of the teachings of philosophy and psychology the philosophers have admonished fellow human beings to conquer base emotions and seek to develop a personal self to be as close to the divine attributes as possible. Certain contemporary dominant schools of psychology in the West, especially in USA, are an exception. They seek to justify human weaknesses, blocking human progress in refinement by teaching phrases like: this is the way I am; you have to accept me as I am (that is, I am not going to refine myself and I feel no need to do so). Justifying anger, harsh words and encouraging confrontational – rather than consensual – behavior. One of the buzzwords is “honest communication”. Hurt others with the belief that it will save you from being hurt. Look somebody hard in the eye and say a loud NO. I, however, come from the school of YES-men (Taoist, Upanishadic) that says: the best defense is non-defense. In such cases, hardly anyone says NO to one who communicates in such style. The philosophy of making a fast draw, sending in the marines – oops, that is old now– sending in the cruise missiles at everyone you have a disagreement with does not fit into any spiritual ideal. The ideal of sensitive communication is diametrically opposite to the above confrontational view. The sensitive communication, saving the other party’s honor and yet having one’s position understood is the common way of many cultures even today. Here an example of a conversation in Asia is given. At a hotel, one speaks to the reception office manager who is from another Asian country: “I am coming back to the hotel in a few days; may I pay all my bills at the end of the second stay, or should I settle the bill for this stay now?” Manager’s reply: “Yes, you may choose to pay now or you may choose to pay when you come back. Well, for us it would be easier if we can keep the bill for the next visit separate.” Having been brought up in the culture of “sensitive communication” rather than so-called “honest communication”, one can understand that she prefers one to pay now, and one can do so. A very common form of communication in Asia and Africa (Hindu, Buddhist, and Muslim) goes like this: “You do not have any vegetables available today?” Answer: “Yes, Sir.” Note that the answer is not “No, Sir”. OR: “May we hold a meeting at your home?” Answer: “My wife is away but it would be a great pleasure for me to try to arrange the meeting at home.” The listener brought up in the culture of “sensitive communication” understands that the other person is asking to be relieved of the burden of organizing a meeting at his home in his wife’s absence. Next day, you call him and tell him – so grateful for your kind offer to host us, you are always so generous. For this time, another member has asked to be given a chance. We hope it would be alright with you if we accept.
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