5.6 BPM IV (The death-rebirth experience) This matrix is related to the third stage of delivery, to the final emergence from the birth canal and the severing of the umbilical cord. Here the fetus completes the preceding difficult process of propulsion through the birth canal and achieves explosive liberation as it emerges into light. Reliving of this stage of birth often involves various specific concrete and realistic memories, such as the experience of anesthesia, the pressures of the forceps, and the sensations associated with various obstetric maneuvers or postnatal interventions. To understand why the reliving of biological birth is experienced as death and rebirth, one has to realize that what happens is more than just a replay of the original event. Because the fetus is completely confined during the birth process and has no way of expressing the extreme emotions and sensations involved, the memory of this event remains psychologically undigested and unassimilated. The way we in later life experience ourselves and the world is heavily tainted by this constant reminder of the vulnerability, inadequacy, and weakness that we experienced at birth. In a sense, we were born anatomically but have not caught up with this fact emotionally. The “dying” and the agony during the struggle for rebirth reflect the actual pain and vital threat of the biological birth process. However, the ego death that precedes rebirth is related to the extinction of our old concepts of who we are and what the world is like, which were forged by the traumatic imprint of birth. As we are purging these old programs by letting them emerge into consciousness, they are becoming irrelevant and are, in a sense, dying. As frightening as this process is, it is actually very healing and transforming. Approaching the moment of the ego death might feel like the end of the world. Paradoxically, when only a small step separates us from an experience of radical liberation, we have a sense of all-pervading anxiety and impending catastrophe of enormous proportions. It feels as if we are losing all that we are; at the same time, we have no idea of what is on the other side, or even if there is anything there at all. This fear drives many people to resist the process at this stage; as a result, they can remain psychologically stuck in this problematic experiential territory. When the individual overcomes the metaphysical fear encountered at this important juncture and decides to let things happen, he or she experiences total annihilation on all levels. It involves a sense of physical destruction, emotional disaster, intellectual and philosophical defeat, ultimate moral failure, and even spiritual damnation. During this experience, all reference points – everything that is important and meaningful in the individual’s life – seem to be mercilessly destroyed. Immediately following the experience of total annihilation – hitting “cosmic bottom” – one is overwhelmed by visions of light that has a supernatural radiance and beauty and is usually perceived as divine. The survivor of what seemed like the ultimate apocalyptic destruction experiences only seconds later visions of divine light, radiant celestial beings, paradisean landscapes, fantastic displays of rainbows, and peacock designs. He or she feels redeemed and blessed by salvation, reclaiming his or her divine nature and cosmic status. At this time, one is frequently 22 Stanislav Grof
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