24 Spirituality Studies 10-1 Spring 2024 as Bhagavan implies by asking rhetorically in verse 22 of Uḷḷadu Nāṟpadu: Except by, turning the mind back within, completely immersing it in God, who shines within that mind giving light to the mind, how to fathom God by the mind? Consider. [35] The light of awareness that is called “mind” or “ego” is not the original light of “awareness” (Sa. cit) but just an ābhāsa (Sa. “semblance”, “likeness” or “reflection”) of it, because the original light is pure awareness, which shines eternally without “adjuncts” (Sa. upādhis) as “I am” and which therefore never knows anything other than itself, whereas ego is that same light mixed and conflated with adjuncts as “I am this body” and therefore knows the seeming existence of other things. The original light of pure awareness is therefore like the pervading sunlight, whereas ego is like a limited beam of the same sunlight reflected from a mirror into a dark room. So long as the reflected beam of light is directed into the dark room, it can be used for knowing objects in that room, but if it is directed back towards the sun, its source, it will merge and be lost in the sunlight. Likewise, so long as ego directs its attention away from its source, which is always shining within it as “I am”, its adjunct-limited light of awareness can be used to know the appearance of other things, but if its attention is directed back within towards its source, “I am”, it will merge and be lost forever in the infinite light of pure awareness. Since God or brahman is nothing other than our own being, “I am”, he is the sole reality of ego, so he can never be known by ego as an object, and hence ego can know him only by turning back within to face its own source and substance, “I am”, thereby subsiding and dissolving back into “I am”, as Bhagavan implied in the last sentence of the previous verse, namely verse 21 of Uḷḷadu Nāṟpadu, “Becoming food is seeing” [36], meaning that it is only by being swallowed completely by God, the infinite light of pure awareness, that we can see or know him as he actually is. 18 The Practice of Self-Investigation However, God will not take us as his food, meaning that he will not dissolve us back into himself, unless we are wholeheartedly willing to give ourself entirely to him, and we can give ourself entirely to him only by turning our mind (our power of attention) back within to face ourself, the fundamental awareness “I am”, because only by doing so will we subside and dissolve back into the infinite light of pure awareness in such a way that we never rise again. Only by turning back within in this way and thereby dissolving forever in our own being, “I am”, which is both the source and the substance of ego, will we see ourself as we actually are, so the effort we make to thus turn back and keep our mind fixed firmly on ourself is the only means by which we can investigate and know what we actually are, as Bhagavan clearly implies in the sixteenth paragraph of Nāṉ Ār? by defining what he means by the term ātma-vicāra (Sa. “self-investigation”), namely: The name ātma-vicāra is only for always keeping the mind on oneself. [37] In other words, self-investigation is the simple practice of always (or at least as constantly as possible) keeping our mind or attention fixed firmly on ourself, in which “ourself” (Sa. ātmā) means what we actually are, namely our fundamental awareness “I am”, which is our very being or existence. If we are not willing to keep our mind always fixed firmly on ourself without ever allowing it to be diverted away towards anything else, that means that we are not yet willing to give ourself entirely to God, thereby allowing him to dissolve us forever in himself, so we need to continue trying to keep our mind on ourself as much as we can, because this is the only way in which we can cultivate the required willingness to do so. Patient and persistent practice of self-attentiveness is therefore essential, as Bhagavan implied in the first eight sentences of the sixth paragraph of Nāṉ Ār?: Only by the investigation who am I will the mind cease; the thought who am I, destroying all other thoughts, will itself also in the end be destroyed like a corpse-burning stick. If other thoughts rise, without trying to complete them it is necessary to investigate to whom they have occurred. However many thoughts rise, so what? Vigilantly, as soon as each thought appears, if one investigates to whom it has occurred, it will be clear: to me. If one investigates who am I, the mind will return to its birthplace; the thought that had risen will also cease. When one practises and practises in this manner, for the mind the power to stand firmly established in its birthplace increases. [38] The reason that keeping our mind or attention fixed firmly on ourself is called “self-investigation” (Sa. ātma-vicāra) is because it is the only means by which we can know what we actually are, so we are observing or attending to ourself in order to know who or what we actually are. For the same reason Bhagavan often referred to self-investigation as “the
RkJQdWJsaXNoZXIy MjkyNzgx